The past couple of weeks have been real scary. I have been drifting through my days; a plank of wood struggling to stay afloat.
It is easy to tell people that things will get better; that all they need to do is to work hard and give their best. But what if you did all that and nothing seems to be working? What then?
I am numb. My whole being and soul is numb. I am unable to feel anger or sadness.
I sort of miss the anger because it reminded me that I was still alive. It is impossible to be angry if you are hopeless. Anger means you still have life coursing through your veins and arteries. Sadness means there’s room for happiness. But this state of unfeeling…How do you deal with it?
Nothing is exciting. Nothing makes sense.
Breath in and out. Waste oxygen. And that’s it.
To what end?
How do you deal with the fact that you no longer have a reason to be the person and things you are/were because it’s a waste of your time?
How do you deal…with the lie that is life?
How do you deal with the constant disappointment of trying, failing, then failing again?
How do you deal?
You focus on breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Waste oxygen. At least the plants will live because of you.