It’s been ages since I last wrote (Apologies to all the people that actually take their sweet time to read my nonsensical musings. I love y’all. God bless) . But I am now back like a mgongo. And with so much zeal, my fingers are literally on fiiiiire! *Insert the “ita wazima moto” remix*
Well, most people have been falsely accusing me of daunting fuckboys and being on their case way too much. Today we are gonna talk about fuckgals. Yes, if “nibuyie” is a common word in your vocabulary then you are well on your way to becoming a fuckgal.
Fuckgals are worse than Ebola and Al Shabaab combined. They are girls that make you feel ashamed of the vagina wielding species. Girls with no ambition whatsoever. All their conversations revolve about which boy bought them what, which boy bought them KFC chicken and where Brayo will take them for turn up on Friday night.
You will find Fuckgals walking in groups of five. They’ll be most likely wearing bright USA flag or Tribal print tight with crop tops and neon rubber shoes, most often than not the shoes will be purple or pink. Fuckgals have a thing for chunky chains, pendant necklaces and lipstick that’s a tad bit too bright for their complexion (I’m a victim of this last bit). Fuckgals have this signature “aki woiye” voice and hearing them laugh will make your ears bleed.
Their life goals are gauged against absurd standards that’ll make their mothers weep. They care about non-issues like their “eyebrows”, nail polish or phone covers being on fleek. Fuckgals think that relationship goals are all about taking photos holding hands with their guy (most likely a fuckboy too) and posting their lunch and dinner dates on IG. They are quick to proclaim the “I love you to the moon and back” statement to every single muse in their lives. (We all know how long it takes for a woman to actually “love” a man and mean it)
Fuckgals are the type to come to class to “chill” and while time away on their phones. They are quick to skive classes for an IMAX movie offer. They consider attending events that have the potential to mould them into quality women lame and boring. Fuckgals are the type to worry more about their image rather than what they have to offer. Anything discussion that does not revolve around shoes, bags, dresses and celebrity gossip is a “non-issue” for them.
A fuckgal will try too hard to impress the man she’s dating. Going out of her way to do stupid requests in the name of “ I love him” . They forget that these dudes have no commitment phobics who just wanna tap and run.
If you see a bit of yourself here, then you’re probably a fuckgal. You need to ladynize yourself. Feminists didn’t struggle to fight for women liberation so that you can drag the female generation 10 decades back. There’s something beautiful about a woman who’s got her life in order when it comes to the career, social and personal development spheres. Be about something. Don’t be complainibg about fuckboys when you are a fuckgal yourself.