BORN AGAIN

Every girl has one of those days; those days that you wake up in really high spirits. You’re excited for no apparent reason. You pull on a pretty floral skater  dress, some strappy heels; and of course, the look wouldn’t be complete without a flirty shade of lipstick. You’ve got no date; neither do you have anywhere important to go. You just want to look good, feel good and smell good.

For once you don’t care about what people think. You are not bothered about the length of your dress; if someone thinks it’s a bit too short they can go hump an elephant. The annoying clank of your heels on the sidewalk doesn’t make you the least bit self-conscious. You want the whole world to hear you come; and so you strut on happily.

Your lipstick is a bright pink; on other days it would have made you feel too conspicuous. But today, you feel like a rose in the desert, whatever that means. Today, your moods are as bright as the sunny day; nothing can possibly dull your shine.

You will walk into a fancy restaurant; sit by the corner on your own and it won’t feel odd. You can feel the waitress giving you those “Lonely bitch. Who even eats alone?” eyes as she takes your order. It would have made you rethink your life decisions on an ordinary  day; but not today, today is that day for you. You order steak, medium-rare, and baked potatoes, no salad. Today, you won’t think about the calories. You will dig into your plate without hesitation. Who cares if they go straight to your hips? You need a little fat anyway, it will keep you warm. You will order an extra large strawberry milkshake, with an extra scoop of ice-cream.  Life will worry about itself.

Today, you will walk around town, window shopping. You will finally buy that perfume you’ve always wanted to buy, yet never did coz it’s a bit on the pricey side. Today, you will not feel guilty about splurging your money. Didn’t you work for it after all? If you died now, you definitely won’t take it to the grave.

Today, you will think about no one but yourself, just because you can. You’ve always been that person that sacrifices their  happiness for the sake of others. Well, not today. Today you will put your phone  on Airplane mode. No texts, no calls.

You will buy 2 Litres of Fanta orange, a tub of vanilla ice-cream and some Fayaz cheese crackers. You’ll go back to your place, tuck into bed and grab that book you’ve been meaning to read the whole semester. You will fall in love with that book and you will cry a little at the sad ending if you manage to finish it. You will stare out of the window and marvel at nature. You will play that list of old songs you’ve been neglecting so much. You never dance, but today you will. You will be silly; silly but happy.

Today, you will realize that you never needed anyone to make you feel good other than yourself. You will finally understand that you never needed anyone’s love but  your own. You will discover just how much injustice you’ve been doing to yourself by thinking too much, and making people control what you think or do. It will dawn on you that you’ve been a fool all along, that you never really lived because you were too afraid. You gave people way too much power over your. Today, that cycle will end. Today, you become your own woman. Today, you will repair all the damage that judgment and over thinking   did on you. Today, you will begin your path of healing; a path of salvation. Today, you will be that woman you always wanted to be; the woman that took everything or none at all; the woman that never settled for less. You will love yourself a little more; and others a little less. Today, you will be born again. Today, you will finally be free.