INSTAGRAM FOR DUMMIES

The cyberspace is as dynamic as the youthful population nowadays. Everyone wants to be at par with the technological trends that seem to be changing faster than some people’s relationship status on Facebook.

Exit Twitter, introducing Instagram. It’s not exactly new, it’s been there for quite a while but the masses seem to have migrated in oodles thanks to the #Selfies craze. Instagram is the new cool kid in town that’s helped every other Tom, Dick and Jane to unveil their inner “Photographer”, “Model” and Nature lover…the list is endless.

Well, in case you’ve not yet been swept by the IG wave and are eager to jump into the bandwagon with the other cool kids; here are some tips that may be quite resourceful.

  1. Basic Requirements
  • A high- end phone (preferably an iPhone or any other phone of equal status approved by the cool kid battalion. See, people on IG are out to show that their life is perfect and glam. You don’t want people thinking you’re poor when you take the famous Selfie Mirror and they see your hideous Samsung galaxy mini (no offence to anyone whatsoever)

 

  • Unlimited data bundles/ access to Wi-Fi : as above described, IG is not for the poor. According to the Cool Kids code of conduct Article (5a) “an individual shall be deemed poor if he/she stills subscribes to daily bundles”. Furthermore, IG is a bundle guzzler and you don’t want to develop ulcers induced by Safaricom’s “your data is below 2mbs” text even before you load your timeline.
  • Photo Editing apps: The principle of visual perfection must apply to all your pictures and posts. You must edit your photos to ensure that no unwanted pimple nor blemish is observed. Filters are your friend. Many IG gurus have mastered the art of editing photos. Sometimes you wonder why some never ventured into Graphic design. Photogrid for dummies
  1. The Pose : This applies especially to those keen on venturing into the IG modelling department. You must always get the pose right. It doesn’t matter that sometimes you crane your neck like a flamingo at times. The sweet fruits in the name of likes will be enjoyed after all the pain.

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NB: You might end up looking retarded in some of the photos but who cares?

  1. The duckface/ Pout

Seems there was memo circulated that chic must have the infamous duckface or pout in almost all there pics. You ask why? I also don’t know. The cool kids said so. Don’t shoot the messenger

  1. Wardrobe

Like I said before, IG is not for the poor. You don’t want people commenting on your pics asking why you have the same shirt in all your outfits or people asking why “you look like a pauper” yet you’ve worn your best shirt. Moral of the story is, you’ve got to raid Ngara and Gikomba and comb for outfits that look like they’re from Enkarasha. Remember not to wear a dress or shoes twice in the same month.

  1. Foodstagram

The IG craze got people visiting restaurants and eating cold food in the struggle to get the perfect picture to post for the world to see. It’s become a matter of concern really. One wonders if the food will taste any different if you don’t snap it first. Again, cold food is a small price to pay compared to the satisfaction derived from likes. So struggle on and take that perfect pic, how else will people know what you ate? Or that you went to Serena.

funny-people-taking-photos-food

There you have it. If these tips don’t help you, I don’t know what will.

NB: As far as becoming a cool kid and wanting to become a cool kid is concerned, remember to

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